I am 27 years old. 5'10" and 125 lbs.
Until just last year I was unable to gain or lose more than 5 pounds since I finished growing and reached that weight around 1995-96 (11-12 years ago).
I have had difficulty eating food my entire life. I find if I'm hungry I'm usually starving and the smell of cooking food or looking at food while it cooks makes me nauseous. If I don't eat immediately before I go to sleep I will wake the next day hungry, and suffer hunger pains that prevent me from eating usually until I force-feed myself little bits of food at a time for several hours after waking. After suffering through half the day with near constant, nauseating hunger pains I am finally able to eat normally (I don't feel like throwing the food up again or gaging while trying to swallow) and have an appetite that doesn't bring nausea. However I find that because I spent half the day starving I feel full after only eating a small portion of my meal.
I am not always like this however. I tend to suffer this condition primarily during times of change or stress, and usually when I am not working.
Over the past three years I have learned that changing from technological careers (office jobs) to outdoor, hard physical labor careers has helped my appetite somewhat. I switched to physical labor after a particularly difficult time working twelve hour night shifts for a year. By the end of the year I was suffering from the flu and was so physically weakened and depressed that I passed out on the train to work. I exited the train at the first stop and stumbled dizzy into the terminal where I threw up in a garbage can. I called in sick from the nearest pay phone and I wasn't allowed to work since I drive a company vehicle till I was cleared by a doctor. I saw a doctor the next day. He got me to lift up my shirt, looked at my stomach and shook his head. (I know I'm thin, people have always commented on it, it doesn't help) He said I had low blood pressure, I wasn't eating enough, and just had to eat more. He cleared me to return to work. Honestly right after I threw up was the best I had felt all that week.
While working long physically demanding schedules I am forced to eat the moment I feel the slightest twinge of hunger in order to keep my strength up. This helps with my weight problem seeing as this year I was able to reach an amazing 160 lbs by Christmas (I had worked for a long four month stretch, 14 hours a day and 7 days a week, with only one week off in that time) I felt the best I ever have and I had a great appetite and suffered none of the nauseating hunger I have today. I was eating a banana the moment I woke up to keep the hunger at bay (for some reason I find bananas are the only food my body will allow me to eat immediately after I wake up), then for lunch I'd eat 2 three cheese pizza pops (high calories), a protein bar (35grams) then supper was usually a can of Campbell's Chunky soup mixed with a can of Stagg Chili (both with beef since most other meats make me nauseous), finally after work I would eat a cheese bagel heavily coated in Philadelphia Cream Cheese (the original high fat kind). This diet was a constant. The only variation would be the odd pizza and for awhile I was drinking two breakfast replacement drinks (one after lunch and one after dinner).
At Christmas I had 2 weeks off and the down time ruined me. I was stuck in my parents house with no transportation and they usually don't keep much food around. When I returned to work my appetite had diminished greatly and, while I continued eating to keep up strength, I was only eating about half as much as I had before Christmas break. I lost only a little weight though over the next three months and held around 150lbs on average until Summer break.
I had a really financially stressful spring, I was not doing physical labor, and I ended up returning to 125lbs after two months off work. I seem unable to balance healthy eating and healthy lifestyle. If I stay working hard a physical jobs I have appetite and learned this year that I can gain weight. The only problem is I am not social, I hate doing things outside at home cause I feel like I'm being watched by neighbors, I don't participate in anything outside the house because I suffer great anxiety in social situations, only work seems capable of getting me out of the house and letting me feel confident enough to interact with others. Unfortunately though since I can only function anxiety free and keep a healthy appetite at work I end up suffering from depression because I never see the people I love. I'm a mess.
I guess I'm not really sure why I'm posting here or how it may help, but it's been a long battle and, while I've spoken to others about some of the different conditions separately, I've never told anyone all the conditions at once. I don't want to suffer forever, and suicide isn't an option for me... so I'll just press on I suppose till I figure a way to balance my body and mind.
Any diagnosis/suggestions would be welcome. My anxiety and stubbornness makes it hard for me to go to a doctor, besides I don't think he'd suggest much that I haven't already had time to figure out... and since it is broader than just physical, I'd probably just get passed along to a head doctor.