This is a list of symptoms I experience, some more than others:
Ups and downs - One minute I can be perfectly fine, the next something will set me off and I'll become irate and sometimes violent, then it will turn into deep sadness. I'll experience hyperactivity, anger and depression all mixed into a few days, sometimes going back and forth between the 3
Suicidal thoughts - thinking about how I would kill myself
Social Withdrawal - I prefer to be alone (or with my husband) and the thought of making friends or making plans with friends scares me
Disturbing thoughts (torture) - feeling that someone is stabbing me with a knife, or me stabbing a person or an animal
Problems with sight - things up close look very far away and continue to move further away -- these last 4 happen all at once and I'll hear a rush of noises or just a bunch of people mumbling, it lasts for a few minutes (I've had this since I can remember)
Rapid/jerking eye movements
Increased heart rate (between 90-100bpm) -- these 2 happen all of a sudden and I almost feel like I'm falling
Talking with people who are not there, sometimes normal conversation, other times violent (I've also done this since I can remember)
Shaky and cold when driving in a car (once in a while as a passenger)
Paranoid and untrusting of others
Anxious when in social situations, until I have a glass or two of wine
Chest pains that last for minutes, hard to breathe because of a sharp pain like I'm being stabbed
I don't have a psychiatrist that I go to because I don't like them. My general doctor was given this list and he prescribed me Risperidone but I stopped taking it because it was bothering my stomach severly. He never told me what I had. Another doctor was reluctant to tell me after I asked her and finally said I had Depression and Psychosis but never gave me any options as to how I should fix it.
Can anyone help me, or point me in the right direction so I can find a cure? I can't work because of all this. And I'm not interested in seeing a shrink of any kind because I cannot afford it, even with insurance.
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