I am frustrated to the point where I don't want to live anymore. I can't stand living in this constant horrible state anymore. I was sure that my problem was hypothyroidism, as I have almost every symptom. But the test came back negative, which I know can sometimes be wrong. I am on a sliding scale payment, leaving me almost no choice in doctors. But I simply can't live like this anymore.
The symptom that most convinced me that my problem was hypothyroidism was myxedema. My whole body is "swollen", most noticeable in my face. I did the pinch test, and it is impossible to lift my skin. I checked this against other people, who would respond with "huh, weird."
I am exhausted all the time, I am a 23yo female. It doesn't matter if I get four hours of sleep or fourteen, I am so exhausted that I can barely walk a block. My boyfriend is convinced that I just need to exercise. But we used to hike and walk around with 75lb packs, and even then it was the same way...exhausted all the time (back then there was obviously a reason) but even then I was gaining weight. All my life I have been very thin. I am now 60 lbs overweight. This is what bothers me the most. I can barely concentrate on anything, I have no attention span and I don't even want to do things that I like to do. I don't have the energy or enthusiasm for anything. I have severe joint issues, mainly in my knees and my right shoulder. My breathing is very shallow, and my mom often comments that my breathing sounds very labored. I get this severe pain in the back of my head sometimes, I have often thought it was just something left over from when I fell off the roof of a building onto concrete on my head, but who knows? I have really bad back problems that I credit to my overly large chest and scoliosis. I have had several uti's in the last year, and I take medication for severe depression/borderline personality disorder. My hands shake very badly, which I have credited to a medication I used to take. I have some sort of stomach problem, which runs in the family, either ibs or chron's. Hypothyroidism and Fibromyalgia run in my family. It's often joked about me that I have so many problems I'm invincible. But I feel like I'm 80, when I'm only 23. With this many problems this early in life, what's the use of sticking around to get worse?
I guess that's all I can think of right now. There's more, but I'm really just too tired to think about it much more.
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