This is my life now lay in bed practically 24 hours a day.i have to prepare myself mentally just to get up for a few seconds . When I'm not I'm in the bathroom then I lay back in bed. I just cannot believe how my Life has hit the brakes. I remember before all of this I was under a huge amount of stress. I couldn't handle it .perhaps that made my body malfunction. Whatever this is I'm only 28 years young female with all my life ahead of me and and to live like a 90 year old on there death bed is not a way to live. I just keep telling myself you will make it . It seems like whatever is the cause it effects every cell and process if the body to go haywire. I believe I had my thyroid tested. I just literally felt exhausted and spaced out 2 1/2 months ago and it has manifested into being bed ridden and so bad mental fog I can barley think. I do notice whenever I eat anything my brain gets 'lit on fire' have lost the ability to drive and im practicality living like a 'lizard ' with sloth movements. My quality of life has been reduced to 10 percent of what it was. I lay in bed starring out the window most of the day and reading online or getting non refreshing sleep.
Every test so far has comes back normal .who can help ? just taking a shower is traumatizing the water seems to hurt and i feel faint when standing up but I wonder what's going on in my system .
Why was I a healthy normal person a little while ago and now this practically overnight? It's so frustrating. I want my health back. How can anyone be alive and feel so unhuman at the same time? I'm afraid I will die my sleep so I keep the light on. Everyday I feel so weak and its a constant struggle to stay alive. As depressing as it may sound i told everyone if i dont find a cure goodbye . I even stayed in the hospital for a week ran every test imaginable. With no avail. They just sent me home with a prescription to an anti anxiety med . The dr said its all in my head. And to get up and start running around .that was the biggest joke of my life. I told him if I could would I be here ? wonder where these drs. Get there education. ??? I also notice how reality is distorted now and everything looks as though I'm on something even though I never did acid I can imagine it would look like this. Nothing seems real. It's so bizarre .light is so bright and sounds. The brain fog is the absolute worst. I cannot comprehend as much as I use to. For an example when I open up a cabinet to get food out of it I know there is a cabinet there but I cannot tell what I am looking at. It's the most scary thing in the world to have my cognitive impairment get this severely affected for unknown reasons that wont show up on labs .my memory is horrible. I won't be able to remember what happens 2 seconds ago. And I use to be able to comprehend the television and I just stare blankly at it. Nothing goes in. I wish I would watch movies still but if I watch them and you ask me what's going on. . I have no clue. And even worse Not being able to connect to people places or animals .it feels like all my "feel good" brain chemicals shorted out. I use to love nature and people and pets now I feel nothing or flat when someone hugs me or I see my dog . I want to care but it seems I am unable for some reason. I don't even sleep anymore I pass out in pain and wake up in pain 24/7 not being able to use my mind. I feel like I am in prison in my own mind and body. This is not a poor mans disease . I am disabled and I cannot afford a holistic treatment center that I know could probably cure this or provide some sort of relieve . I just want some hope. My body keeps going on and wants to live its taking me for a ride and its such a mind game waking up everyday being bed ridden . I had to temporally move back home to live with my parents for help but I don't think they know how much pain I am in mentally and physically toture every second of the day . Since coming here I've seem to have gotten worse . i am out of options and not sure what to do. I've been to so many drs. My mom takes me . i am thankful for her .Just getting in a car almost does me in like I feel I am going to pass out in pain when sitting up in the car ride. All I can think about is getting back home to lay down in the bed . I don't want to be bed bound but too weak to function anymore. I don't want to give up. I want to fight this every second of the day I feel like such a zombie and half way in a coma. How did this happen from being normal? And no one can find an answer or cure ? Am I supposed to live like this for the rest of my life ? I get so low and wonder . It's a nightmare reality .my vision is blurry and my body screams for help. I haven't found anything to help. I tried magnesium ,vitamins,b12 ,vitamin d ,iron tabs.tylenol These things seem to make me feel worse .i am EXTREMELY SENSITIVE to everything. It's odd I cannot even use little things like deodorant .
I've spent hours looking up drs. To go do. . You would be surprise how much mental energy goes into just googling dr.s and making an appointment . It's like the life is sucked out of me and when I finally do get an appointment it's about 2 months from now. And I know I will have to have a painful car ride there blood drawn for them to say everything is alright. But just laying in bed is accepting defeat. I've seen a neurologist , rhemotologist , regular dr.s natural dr.s .
If I am alive now there must be a cure right?
Something is serious wrong i know my own body and its scary
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