I am in desperate need of some help. For the last 2 years I have suffered from insomnia but now it has gotten extreme. I will go days with ZERO sleep. I am a working Mom & Wife. This is effecting my life in big ways. I am scared that I am going to lose my job and it would be obvious that I am not funtioning the way I should for my husband or 2.5 daughter. I have tried:
-sleep music therapy
-reading before bed
-Prescript form of Benydryl
Me: 34 years old old. Just had a test for life Insurance all test came back 100% healthy. I love life. I have a great husband, daughter, friends family. I really like my job. I consider myself outgoing and reasonably attractive. I try to eat well, don't smoke, drink occassionally (2-3 drinks a week), no drugs, not overweight, take vitamins.
Life: My MIL was diagnosed 2 years ago with stage 3 ovarian cancer. She is now near the end of her life which has caused a great deal of stress especially with the holidays & wedding approaching. The family is in denial and they are a family that doesn't talk. My SIL decided 6 months ago to plan a destination wedding in Mexico and has been told her Mother may not make it. The wedding was initally set in Mexico and has not been rescheduled due to deep denial. my husband fortunately is not in denial. He is trying to connect with his siblings but is feeling rejected.
Response: I think about this constantly! Every minute I am worried about her, is she in pain, how long will she live, are we going to get a call that she passed, the family, my husband, our future, my FIL, me getting cancer, me dying, my husband or daughter getting cancer, how are we going to deal with the future, anyone I know getting cancer, would I go through chemo, when will I die, how will I die, will I be here for my daugher. I do know that life is a gift and that it can be taken away quickly. I do try to think positive. At night my brain is in constant motion. It is a machine that I feel is out of my control. My brain will not shut off unless I am so exhausted that I have to crawl to bed.
How can I support my family and not completely crumble without sleep? On days that I do sleep I feel I can handle life, although the thoughts are persistant. When I have no sleep I feel non-functioning. I do not work on these days (which are more frequent and will catch-up with me). I surf the net constantly to find a cure (like today). I am very fearful of the future and what we are facing. My husband and I want to get pregnant. I am very scared of getting pregnant specifically due to the insomnia. But being 34.5 very scared of not getting pregnant. I also feel that being pregnant may be good for the family. A gift of life.
Daily I feel overwhelmed and scared about facing the future. On the other I know that my life is good and I am blessed. How do I deal with this???