Desperately seeking help, I need help! As I type on the keyboard the pain is unbearable from my fingertips down to my feet and my tears uncontrollably blurring my view to see. I'm writing to you for some hopeful expertise cause I don't know what else to do or where to turn too. I cant even think on where to explain so here goes I have to lay it all out and pray for your rescue.
To start I live for the past 12 yrs I've had 3 back surgeries, can you feel for me and my pain yet I'm only 34 yrs old.... on the L4-L5,S1 labeled as" failed chronic back syndrome" with multiply annoying symptoms and chronic pain everyday I have adjusted my life pain level with minimal or no MEDS, pain management, and stem cell injections, unfortunately nothing has seemed to get me that happy medium and then on top of that painful stressful back mess about 5 months ago things started changing not in a good way. The pain I have everyday from the Chronic back pain puts me at a max tolerance to where I cant physically or mentally handle any other pain or issues, I am only human! RIGHT?!?
The last 5 months it all feels like I'm crashing DOWN as a mother, a wife and a women! I NEED HELP!! I am exhausted all the time, with not only the" failed chronic back syndrome". The symptoms I describe to you that I experience, NO ONE can diagnose me. No doctor could put a name to the absolute horrific ALL OVER body pain,stiffness, tingling, numbness, weakness, burning, stabbing, throbbing, depression, clicking/popping of all of my bones, sore/tender leg's/back/neck/arms/shoulder's, loss of not only flexibility but balance and coordination, feeling out of it, chronic fatigue, trouble sleeping, bowel issues and headache that I suffer everyday. The pain has also been the worst in my muscles (every muscle).
UGGGG, I HATE MYSELF AND THE WAY I FEEL!! Not to mention the 25pds gained over the last 5months with barley eating or having an appetite to eat!!? WHY? The BEST way to decide the feelings is like I got hit by a "TRUCK"! A BIG ONE! why?
The pain is the worst, my house is in shambles, my laundry is unreal and i feel that I SHOULD be able to take care of the household, my kids and my husband with all there needs & wants, but I can't. Its sad to have to tell my kids "no" to going outside, or play dates and social things like that since I have no energy and want to stay in hiding away from everybody.
The depression has gotten so bad that suicidal thoughts are invading my BRAIN! Its alittle scary for my family and I. My kids, husband and myself are suffering severely.. The symptoms I describe to you that I experience, NO ONE can diagnose me. I have done lots of different blood test and tried lots of medication some of which I continue to take to help take the edge off. Something as simple and innocent as a hug from my son, poking me or my son sitting on my lap puts me in so much pain in my world completely would SPIN and I would cry uncontrollably for hours on end as shock wave after shock wave of this pain ripped/rips through my muscles. The simplest things like GETTING OUT OF BED, on some days almost take an act of God Himself for me to accomplish.
We had ENOUGH of the medical professionals not being able to help me ease the pain also had enough with them not even knowing what was causing this pain. And BEYOND had enough of them probably thinking everything I was "complaining of" was ALL IN MY HEAD. I went online numerous times and researched until my eyes could not focus anymore, I'm just getting more depressed and confused.
These feelings are completely TAKING the life out of me and from living my life. Please do not think I am full of it, It is NOT "made up". It is NOT because I'm LAZY or NUTS. It is because each day I'm barley making it through with this excruciating pain. Some days the pain is so overwhelming as mentioned, getting out of bed is as big of a challenge as asking you to run the NY marathon never having trained. Showering is a major cause of complete anxiety and pain. Anticipating the pain you know you will experience when you continually drop soap and razors and shampoo etc, because the nerve endings in your hands and feet feel completely SHOT. I break out in a sweat every time I have to manage to bend from my waist to get those things simply so I can be CLEAN. The total energy you expend trying to just go about a daily life, leaves me so fatigued and tired, it is not soon before life altering depression takes over (I'm about there) The lack of sleep adds on to the pain, and the sadness felt at having to deal with feeling 150 when you are only 34 is devastating!!
If any of this sounds familiar to you, I beg of you, listen to the me and help my family. I'm not a hypochondriac, or a NUT JOB just a young mother of 3 boys ages 13, 9 and 5 and a wife of 16 years that is making the whole family suffer with a life altering problem! We are all at our wits END!
The best "antidote" in the world for me, is to find the comfort and support from a professional who understands the pain I live with everyday, that no one in my everyday circles can help me figure out.
Please help me get on some kind of active healthy lifestyle with proper care and medication so my beautiful family can enjoy each other . Thank you for taking the time to try to help me!
Sincerely I need help, NINA