I had sex at a young age because my two older sisters didnt want to be the only ones who had sex. By the age 13 I had sex for my first time and did not enjoy it. From there I was experimenting with a few other guys throughout my years but not many because I had an attraction for the same sex. In high school I finally met a guy I fell in love with, when before love was just said to be for the movies. Me and him dated on and off for 2 years and I had to break it off because he was a compulsive lyer. From high school on I had a hard time trusting in people. I accuse people of cheating all the time when they arent. When they lie once, I think they are lying all the time. I get mood swings on and off where it will end up in me breaking up with them and then appologizing for my actions and asking for forgiveness. I know when I have PMS because my mood swings are worse where my anger builds up and I have out burst. But after PMS I still cant control my anger but I know Im in the wrong but most of the time I make it feel as if it's their fault.
I cant keep a steady relationship because I feel like jackel and hyde. I believe my sister has Bi polar but Im far from that. As I read with personality disorder I see myself connecting with those systems. I get jealous when other people look at the person Im with. Im too controling Im told. I will try to change what they wear to advoid conflict for when we go out. If I dont get my way, the whole night is ruined by my attitude. I would like to have a steady relationship where I dont think that they are going to cheat on me or leave me for someone else. I want to have trust in them and not get angry because they are talking to someone when in my head they are trying to get with them, when they arent.
I dont know what to do because I dont want to talk to anyone face to face. Im starting to be anti social. I dont want to make new friends and the people I work with I dont feel I have to be their friend it should be work related. I like going out to clubs and bars thats not a problem. I dont drink much unless its on weekends, I dont use drugs. Whats my problem....
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