All day I tried to make myself call yet one more specialist for an appointment. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t do it. I’m tired –
of all the sleepless nights and nonstop pain
of endless tests and waiting for the phone to ring
of being sent home with countless prescriptions and no answers
of feeling like a failure because surely I must not be trying hard enough
of the concern in my family’s eyes when I can’t conceal my misery
of the strain in my marriage because of things I can no longer do
of patronizing doctors who treat you like you’re crazy and think you don’t notice
of diagnoses that make no sense and treatments that bring no relief
of tears and missed moments
of being afraid that there might never be an answer
Welcome to my pity party! Sorry to sound so defeated, but I thought writing it all down might be cathartic. So tomorrow I will regroup and make that phone call. Maybe this doctor will finally be “THE ONE”.
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