Here is the history:
_ I was diagnosed with spinal meningitis at only four months old
_ Died 3 times (Stopped breathing for a full ten minutes each time)
_ At the time of 1.5 years old I was freed of the meningitis and ever since have been living with Partial Complex Seizures.
I am 20 now and have major fear of people, have panic attacks all the time, had and always will have zero friends. My driver's license was revoked by the DMV due to having a seizure while driving so under these circumstances I landed a job with a company two of my brothers work at. My co-workers think I'm a freak show and when I talk to them they either laugh and look away or ignore me altogether, unless it's an urgent work matter. The real point I'm trying to get to is that a year ago I went through a self-destruction phase where I pounded the top of my head with fury about a thousand times, including the sensitive spot where they once performed open brain surgery on me to remove the focal scar tissue that was causing the Partial Complex Seizures. The real question I have is what are the long term and residual effects of this type of so-called head injury? Needless to say I live everyday with major brain pain. I never told any doctors about the incident as I feared being institutionalized. The annoying part is that I have three brothers, two sisters, and a dad (Mom passed from 5 different cancers on independence day of 2003 (What an emblematic day to be freed from the incarceration and ***l of Cancer)) who think that I act the way I do to draw negative attention and that I play this psychological word game. Sometimes when I get my constant brain pain and I'm around them I just want to go punch a wall, but when my other personality comes out I'm so-called "normal." Sorry to drag on, can someone please tell me the side effects of blows to the head?
As always your help and insight are greatly appreciated,