hi guys..since I want much possible help from you guys I will make this very short..
Extremely stressful work condition - Led to alot of booze, cigarette, marijuana ( I was very bad at dealing with stress-I was running a business at such a young age( 19- family business )
At the mean time was also anxious and depressed of going away from home to dormitory
-At the dorms I hated it led me to more marijuana abuse, often stayed at friends house to sleep over. At the time I was using strong strain of marijuana daily.
-I had a paradoxical effect on marijuana one day when my friend told me to leave his house while I was very very extremely high on weed. My subconscious did not want to leave his house because of my hate towards dormitory, my mind tripped out and I had a scary seizure moment and went through an extreme guilt trip.
-This trip causes me to vow to never smoke again, nor drink or smoke.
-When I quit I felt extremely depersonalized, eating, looking in the mirror would give me a panicky feeling and my mind was constanly racing along with gut wrenching depression. Depersonalization scared me I could not go to sleep because I literally felt crazy. My vision was very F**ed up and i became extremely anxious and "felt" paranoid ( not thinking someone will kill me type ) however because of my current mental state.
-For 3 Month I felt very bad, could not concentrate on anything, constant racing thought from depersonalization, felt unreal, my gut was literally wrenching. I guess it was a severe withdrawal from cigarette and marijuana...The "feeling" of zoned out got me severely depressed.
-Thing cleared up a little as I was engaging in school I was improving
-One day I got extremely stressed over an essay and became extremely hot headed..than from than my neck pain begin.
-Ever since than I suffered from tingling sensation of back of my neck, a feeling like someone is "tickling" your nerves; a sensation that caused me to become literally insane and extremely suicidal from than on I would wake up feeling suicidal due to the excruciating sensation and that miserable feeling will last for everyday.
-This pain leads me to marijuana abuse once again; a merry go around cycle although marijuana relieved my symptom it made me depersonalized and gave me the "paranoid" feeling all over again.
-The pain lasted 4 month I became reclusive, once again I felt zoned out of my mind because of extreme stress, extremely depressed, racing thoughts, and just feeling crazy.
-I quit school and work because of the unbearable physical and psychological pain.
-Finally get an diagnoses for my neck- a "disc"
-My neck becomes healed, but I still felt d/p'ed, feeling of paranoia and racing thoughts and overall feeling of "unwell".
-Went to psychiatrists labels me as bipolar
-I get an extreme adverse reaction to lamictal and lexapro- absolute mental torture for 3 months ( I have no idea how I survived it )
-Quit the drugs sends me into devastating withdrawal ( Still not sure If I am living it suicidal for couple of months, confused.
- No more D/P or paranoia, no anxiety
- My visions is now 110% I no longer feel Desensitized or Depersonalized
- Feeling extremely sad, confused - triggered by gut wrenching feeling ( 24 /7 , burning sensation, below my chest above my abs
- Extreme Fatigue
- Back Pain
- Just Miserable
I didn't mean to be this long but..I don't know if I can live like this any longer
I am planning to take an hormone test tomorrow..hopefully that shows anything...
Sigh any help would be appreciated please