Discussions By Condition: Female sexual conditions

Married Life

Posted In: Female sexual conditions 2 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • July 24, 2007
  • 08:56 PM

I have been married for almost 10 yrs and I dont feel sexually or physically attracted to my husband anymore. I never want to have sex (when we do it is great). Also he is the greatest person to me, he does everything for me and loves me w/all of his heart. i feel so bad for even thinking this way! I do not have any passion for him, how do i get this? I cant even remember how long its been ! My husband is a great guy but hes not the type to think of special things to do for his girl! Im the one w/ all the ideas and sometimes i just wish he would surprise me w/ little things (not bought things just something i would never expect) I have tried talking to him about this but he just gets frustrated. What do i do?

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  • I am a 42 year old male, been with my wife for 23 years. Something you need to realize is that in any marriage you will run through these slumps, but also that guys, because of their wiring do not for whatever the reason, think about or register that they ought to do something to surprise their spouses. I know from experience and Lord bless my wife for her patience, but it seem to me guys think it takes money, I gotta have money to buy the cards and perhaps a little gift once in a while, money to take her out to eat so she doesn't have to cook etc. We are very financially minded, even in my case, I don't ever see my paycheck, for 15 years my wife has handled the bills and I thank God everyday she does, I tell her I appreciate her and even though I work 10 to 12 hours a day I still help with the dishes and the kithchen duties, though I do fail in other areas sometimes, but the reality is my way of showing her I love her is by helping her around the house. I do think that we do not go out to the movies like we use to or go for walks like we need to around the neighborhood. A lot of things specific to our relationship got put on the back burner when we had kids, 21yrs, 17yrs & 12yrs old. Men and women let their jobs/carears etc; get in the way and we lose ourselves. You both need to just stop, and think about your relationship. There is nothing more important in this life, other than God, that is more important than you and your husbands relationship. I put a lot of blame on men for many failures and that is by looking inside my own head as well as looking at the men on both my spouse's and my own family histories. We men do not get it, and I do not believe it is intentional or maliciously done, in regards to doing these little things like a surprise card on the pillow or just a little something different to brighten our wive's day. We just do not have a talent for those things and I believe that is what makes women so unique because most have that ability to do those thoughtful things, but again, both you and your husband need to re-focus on building your relationship. Tell your husband as long as he has a job and you can make ends meet then quit worrying so much about getting ahead and take care of each other. you will be just fine in the long run!
    Desertman 3 Replies
    • August 13, 2007
    • 02:35 PM
    • 0
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  • I understand how you feel to some degree. We all go through feelings like that. Sometimes they only last a day or two...sometimes much longer. One thing I've realized in my own ten years of marriage is that men are not mind readers. They don't even begin to think like we do. Men show they love us by going to work everyday, changing light bulbs, and letting us skip cooking supper without complaining. It just doesn't much cross their minds to do the "little things." That's where you, and quite possibly a counselor, comes in. Do for him the "little things" he would appreciate and I guarrantee he'll want to do nice things for you. As far as sex goes, you should read Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. Actually you and your husband should read it. The thing I remember most from this book is that it says women need to feel loved to have sex (very true) while men need to have sex to feel loved (just as true). Remember this when you think about your sex life. If your husband will go counselling would be good. It will let you both really open up. I'm sure there are things your husband would like to tell you but won't. He has to feel "safe" first. Same applies to you. Counselling can help you talk without having that pressure on you. At least consider it. Even great marriages can use an occasional tune-up. Lastly, but most importantly, pray together everyday. God gave us the institution of marriage as a gift for our own good. We will never be happier than in a Godly marriage serving God together. I truly wish you the very best. I hope you can find your way back, because it sounds like you and your husband truly love each other and have something great. That's so rare these days. Good luck!
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • August 13, 2007
    • 08:14 PM
    • 0
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