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I have SOOO many things wrong with me...

  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • January 12, 2007
  • 05:23 AM

(I am really messed up in the head. Sometimes I'm like ED from Cowboy Bebop and sometimes I'm like Gaara from Naruto...I'm an anime junkie...Anyway, I've come up with a lot of ideas and theories and speculations, but in the end, I really don't know crap...So, here I am, asking you guys((and girls)) for help. Keep in mind that I don't even know if I have a true personality. More than likely, I'm just an empty shell fill with random segments of observed human interaction that I use to fake a soul. But in the unlikely event that that isn't the case, here's a very small portion of my problems; enjoy. ;) )


Okay, first off, I'm pretty sure that I have at least four different personalities up here in my head. There's the main one, the one typing right now. I'm usually cheerfully and friendly to everyone. Next is my second most active one. She (yes, she) is either extremely loving and helpfully, or suicidally depressed. I think that she has bipolar disorder, I'm not sure. The third one is...clinically insane...in a good way. He'll jump around and play with things...On second thought, he's almost like a super-hyperactive child. Sometimes he can go a little mental in his hyper-ness, but he's in no way dangerous or hurtful.

This next one is the black sheep. He's evil! He a crazy, homicidal maniac! I'm not sure about what happened, but somehow (me and the other personalities) managed to trap him in some sort of mental "cage". Before we did that, I was completely separated into many people. After we imprisoned the evil side, we all kinda merged...not completely though. At times we separate and at other times we come together.

Anyway, a lot of really depressing things have been going on lately (please don't ask what) and the evil part of me/us/whatever seems to be gaining ground. It's like a fight between manic depression and homicidal insanity sometimes. I really don't want him to hurt anyone, but I think it’s time I went to see a professional. The problems is that I have a really high distrust of mental doctors and such. Don't know why, I just do. So can anyone give me some sort of advice on whether or not I should go to a psychiatrist(SP?) or not? If no, than any tips on how to make that evil part of me subdued again?

Here are some "symptom" that I experience on a weekly basis:
Streaks of either insomnia or exhausted-ness(SP?).
When I do try to sleep, half the time I lose it and have to sit there and console the girl while she's crying herself to sleep.
I can literally be singing and happy one second, then be holding my head in despair the next few seconds, then be cheerful again without realizing until later what had just happened.
I have extreme loss of memory. I more or less have no childhood that I can remember. All there are bits and fragments and a few tell-tale signs here and there.
I don't know if this is directly related to the split personality thing, but as you have probably figured out, I sometimes have a very strong and very wide range of sudden, unrelated emotions jumping back and forth.
When I say that the evil part is gaining ground, I mean that before, he was barely even noticed; but now, we sometimes have to struggle just to get him to shut up. (not actual "voices" but more like another thought-stream parallel to my normal one) My parents could knock on my door and that evil part will instantly flare up for and instant with something like “shut the ***k up” or thoughts of mass murdering bunnies or something and then it’s gone, leaving me sitting there going “wtf?”.
Oh, and there's seems to be some sort of emotionless fifth personality that just kinda hold all of the others together. It's like he's not there, but there at the same time. Maybe that's the original personality that's subconsciously(SP?) keeping tabs on the rest of us or something...
There is almost constantly music playing in the back of my head. I don’t mean just having a song stuck there, I mean a full fledged jukebox that either matches my mood and current personality or is the complete opposite of it. I think this is some sort of mechanism that helps keep my extremely unbalanced emotions in check. You see, music “calms to savage beast”. If the right song is playing, than all the mental chatter stops and everything is at peace with everything else.
Also, there are times (like when I’m sleeping for instance) that the bipolar girl part takes over. I’ll “wake up” and have someone sitting there saying that we’d been talking for the past half hour or something like that. As far as I know though, the girl has been the only one to ever completely separate and go do her on thing.
Sometimes, if I go to sleep in class, than I’ll distinctly remember my in-class dreams AND everything that happened around me. My head will be down, my eyes closed, and I’ll be dreaming. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I have a visual memory of everything everyone around me did and can clearly remember everything the teacher said even though my eyes were closed and I was dreaming. If the bell rings or the teacher calls my name when I’m like this, I can always sit right up and either leave the class or answer whatever question she asked. It’s weird, but very beneficial sometimes… Is this what they call being “half-asleep?”

That’s all I can think of for now. For some reason, every time I try to remember these sort of things, they become really vague in the details area or I can’t remember them all. My mind tends to black-out almost everything that happens to me. They’ll pop up by themselves every now and then, but I cannot forcefully remember anything.

Oh, and BTW, I’m 17 years old. No real reason the put that, but it seems like everyone else has included it, so what the ***l? Why not add mine too?




So, what do you think? Do I have multiple mental disorders or am I just full of crap? ‘Cause I can’t tell anymore. Any help or comments or suggestions or ANYTHING helpful will be greatly appreciated.



It might be a few days before I check up on this. I’ll either forget or just not feel up to it. Thanks in advance everybody!

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10 Replies:

  • Hello, It's me agian, Can a moderator move this to the right section please? I meant to put it in the pyschatric(SP?) area, but I must've hit the wrong button....sorry.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • January 12, 2007
    • 05:25 AM
    • 0
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  • I guarantee that God will help you if you pray to Him.He loves you and wants to help you.The Bible says the Lord is near those who call on Him.****s said "I came that they might have life and have it more abundantly."John 3:16 says: For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.Try reading the Psalms. They are very encouraging.Also try the talk and advice and prayer request forums at christianrock.net if you want people to pray for you.God bless you.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 12, 2007
    • 04:52 AM
    • 0
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  • Also try teenhopeline.com
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 12, 2007
    • 05:18 AM
    • 0
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  • I wish a mod WOULD move this. I f-ing HATE anime. After finally managing to purge it from my mind I visit an ENT forum and BAM! Jeez! How do you say "Thanks a lot" in screechy f-ing Japanese?
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 12, 2007
    • 07:31 AM
    • 0
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  • Sounds like you've got problems kid, and if you're serious? get your doctor to refer you to a psychologist. Sounds like schizophrenia to me - or manic depression which can also go onto cause other mental problems if not caught. Prob not m.d. though not enough highs and lows. The manic faze with m.d. is when you feel so high you go out and buy lots of stuff - yeah similar to a shopoholic maybe and then you get really low fazes - also similar to a shopoholic - spending too much - mmmmmmmm worrying I could have that! If you're for real kid do yourself a favour go bend the doctors ear and get some help.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 14, 2007
    • 00:14 AM
    • 0
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  • Please Go See A Psychiatrist. They Can Help You. They Can Council You And Give You Medications. Please Do This Before You Hurt Yourself Or Somebody Else. Good Luck!!
    jennifermogus 3 Replies
    • February 14, 2007
    • 01:27 AM
    • 0
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  • hi, IF this is for real I am very worried about you. You need to tell your parents or guradian first. You need professional help before you get hurt.Good luck.
    MissMoe'sMother 2 Replies
    • February 17, 2007
    • 05:53 AM
    • 0
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  • Let the lord heal your worries, Visit the church and tell our love ones about your pain.. Somehere in our life we experience a diffucult trial.. God is calling you my brother... Good luck to you.. I will pray for you.
    Arnelg 2 Replies Flag this Response
  • Are you familiar with the Shaman?You sound a lot like you are on "the brink". I would recommend you getting some books ( not online stuff) on the Shaman (Native American Tradition).The Shaman feels that we are always on "the brink" to something- no reason to freak out- the depression and the chanting is normal, as you are interacting with all the energies that we don't understand yet.You said you don't know if you have a personality. That's a good sign. You are already learning that most things we do, we do it as a reaction to other people's intentions, not our own.Do you know why you love Japanese Anime so much? Because it is a story, a story that give you freedom- it allows you to live outside your mind and body- so the Manga/Anime is a tool- but you have to learn to do it w/o tools.Every Shaman is a story teller.***********So for what I read, you are trying to dettach from others and find yourself****************For the most part, you ought to remember that your mind and body are fused together- so if you don't take care of your body, your mind is not going to do its job.Use the energies: take deep breaths, drink water, catch some sunlight.Eat right. Not artificial products, not soda, aspartame, refined sugar, yellow #5, etc. These are responsible for more than half of our health and Emotional problems.Eat healthy food- and that does not have to cost a fortune. Just raw fruits and vegetables- nuts, seeds, some protein (sardines, tofu). Try new foods that you never eat- nothing processed (no frozen or can food).Use meditation in a very gentle way. Ask for guidance when you meditate.Best.Rely half on the Shaman and half on the Doctor.
    Eatafruit78 960 Replies Flag this Response
  • Split personality disorder is extremely rare, you seem like you have bi polar disorder, which has episodes of deep depression followed by extreme mania/elevation of mood. My partner of 16 years has bipolar disorder and I've lived with his "ups" and "downs". The ups are times when you can get a 'great idea', in my partner's case, painting the car. So for a few days he'll ramble on about it and how good it's going to be etc, spend lots of money on all the equipment, then when it doesn't turn out like he wanted he'd slip into deep depression.These ups and downs run in cycles,sometimes a few cycles in one day and some people are affected by the condition worse than others. Just remember that it is only a chemical imbalance in the brain, which can be treated. You are not alone and there is help for you, so please see someone. Go to your doctor, hospital, local community health centre or youth centre to be referred to a mental health professional. I'm from Australia and I don't know where you're from to give you specific places to start.Here's a couple of websites (July 26 2007):www.kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/bipolar.html, www.sane.org/information/factsheets/bipolar_disorder.html, www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/bipolar/explained/index.cfm (this site also has a link to the exellent US site http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm#bp1):)
    evie1963 9 Replies Flag this Response
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