I dont even know how to begin to describe this, which is one of the biggest problems: ive never seen someone else mention this. My backgroudn in general: mitral valve prolapse, anxiety (the usual), depression and paranoia problems. The only drug i use is pot, and only rarely. Now, on to my problem.
Starting about a month ago, I started feeling what i can only describe as a secondary, slower pulse. It happened with no obvious relation to my heart's actual rate, nor my breathing rate. Describing where it occurs is difficult. I feel this sensation mostly in my upper chest, right under my collar bone. It can be felt in the center of my upper chest and off to both sides, left being more prominent. The sensation is quite unusual, I liken it to a "rolling" type feeling. I can feel this whatever-it-is pulsing up and down in a slow rhythm, while simultaneously feeling my heart beat at a standard rate. This sensation stretches from right under my collar bone to both shoulders, and can be felt on most spots between my nipples and my collar bone. You can even see it, wide and vague areas subtly inflating, collapsing, and inflating again on both sides of my upper chest at the same time.
I have no idea what this is, just that its terrifying me. I feel it all the time. It pushes on my chest when i try to sleep, with enough force to be quite hard to ignore. (it feels as if im being 'lifted' up and down by it, though the size of the expansion is quite small, so this seems unlikely to be an actual symptom, more like an interpretation). If I try to measure my heart rate, its very easy for me to feel both the normal and the much slower one, at the same time. This has led to me being in pretty much constant terror that my heart is going to stop at any moment.
This has been going on for around a month, day after day its the same. I start to do stuff, get nervous as i worry about my heart, and spend the next half of the day in a panic haze. I occasionally get really dizzy, but it seems to happen exactly when i go to try and measure my pulse, so not sure whats the trigger. I also had vertigo when living in higher locations, but its gone in lower elevations.
My pulse rate is pretty much normal, though it goes fast as i countinue to panic myself throughought the day. My chest, left arm and back all hurt a fair bit, but i cant tell if this is a medical problem, or if its because ive been keeping them strained due to my non-stop stress, making them hurt as a result.
The main, and by far most terrifying problem is this second, not-pulse pulsing going on in that part of my chest. I can easily feeling it inflating and contracting, and can see it from the outside if i look hard enough. I have convinced myself that this is some sort of mega problem (despite no evidence of that) and my life has come to a sudden, hard stop. I cant do anything because of my constant fear over my heart just stopping, and have had several panic attacks a day since this started.
The only respite i have is when Im sufficiently distracted with physical tasks, i stop noticing these symptoms. Other things that will make it worse are even more confusing. One I can only describe as a "disturbing stillness' where it feels like my body processes have just stopped utterly. This leads to panic. If I check for my pulse and have my fingers, no matter how temporarily, on the wrong spot, the result is the same: two to three hours of unconsolable panic.
So, I mean..if anyone knows what those two things on my upper chest are, pulsing out to either side from the middle enough for me to feel it, id really like to know. I havetn found a way to stop being terrified all the time, and my life's pretty much crashed to a sudden halt. I can try to answer more questoins if necessary.
Oh, I also have a hypersensitivity disorder. Its been there my whole life. If this might matter, heres a general rundown of what this means: Pain replaces physical pleasure; the more sensitive an area, the more pain it brings out instead. Sexual parts are by far the worse, with even my own touch bringing pain without variation, but others are bad too. My chest, arms, legs, stomach, face and all, so sensitive to pain that i could not tell you what pleasure felt like. Not trying to be overdramatic, just what to be really specific. When I was younger, i had a fainting spell, where i would black out, fall over, instantly wake up being fully coherent, only to repeat for a couple hours.
The biggest problem exists through my anxiety about this condition. What will happen is after a time, i will start to become unaware of my heart rate thanks to my relaxation or distraction. This, however, gets interpreted in my mind as being an indicaiton of a problem. So my heart rate shoots up, and i can feel it again. Knowing theres no problem, i start to relax..at which point I stop feeling my heart. The difficulties with this are rather astounding. Im just so confused and so...well, terrified with whats happening, and i dont have the slightest clue to its nature. If anyone knows *anything* about this weird, disturbing condition, please let me know :) Thanks for reading, its been an..interesting few weeks to say the least.
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