Discussions By Condition: Anxiety

Relationships...

Posted In: Anxiety 4 Replies
  • Posted By: Anonymous
  • July 31, 2006
  • 05:36 AM

Hi I'm a 25 year old male who has been dealing with various types of anxiety most of my life. From the time I was 7 til about 15 I dealt heavily with panic attacks and separation anxiety. At 18 I started battling depression which lasted months at a time. The past few years though, I'm seeming to have problems when it comes to having relationships. Everything starts out normal. I meet a girl and I really like her, I start getting excited and looking forward to talking with her, hanging with her, etc. However, as soon as we start "dating" I start feeling really depressed or confused and trapped. It's hard to explain. I start having mixed emotions...I know I want to be with this person, but yet I'm feeling overwhelmed and depressed a lot. However, once the relationship ends everything goes back to normal...until the next time and the cycle starts all over again. I'm tired of dealing with it and I'm not even sure if my problem is medical or what. I don't have insurance so I can't go get help. Does anyone have any advice for me on what I can do or how I can fix myself?

Ryan

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4 Replies:

  • the most common cause of depression is an unsatisfactory childhood in which neglect and abuse figured.add to this the fact that we learn how to love initially with our parents and we see the two features of your problem.you may be replaying features of your parents relationship,or aspects of their relationship with you.the trouble is that we forget so much.also because we depended on so much,we tried to make the best of it,trying to placate them.this is called "the stockholm syndrome"(look it up) and it is very common.also we try to forget what is bad.i do not mean to suggest that you were sexually abused,there is nothing to suggest that here. what you have described is more consistent with emotional neglect and emotional unreliability.your task now is to make yourself into someone who is emotionally useful to another. until you are fit for love confine yourself to friendships.become a reliable friend first!try to make a proper assessment of the harm done.you are not the first.many people find that in friendship they can compensate for the deficiencies of their early family life,and do the learning which was earlier denied them.they grow up ,in fact.you will no doubt be aware of other aspects of immaturity in your character.find a way to put them right as well while the major emotional work goes on.self discipline will be involved.if alcohol or drugs are playing their dreary part then they must go.as must debt. if you can not be trusted with money,that least of all things ,what can you be trusted with?the heart of another?gain the confidence to know that when next you present yourself to a woman,you are doing so because of the resources and joy you know you will bring her,not the excitement she will bring to your life.good luck.
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • January 2, 2007
    • 01:56 PM
    • 0
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  • Ryan you really hit the nail on the head, i didnt think anyone understood.Kris
    Anonymous 42789 Replies
    • February 5, 2007
    • 05:35 AM
    • 0
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  • how are you now,ryan?
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • I think this is a common problem for men. I've seen it again and again.:)
    BETH27584 31 Replies Flag this Response
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