Discussions By Condition: Addictions

I don't know what to do....

Posted In: Addictions 3 Replies
  • Posted By: everyone
  • October 10, 2006
  • 07:45 PM

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now, we just bought a house together and I don't know what to do. When I first met him, we drank alot and went to a lot of parties. About a year into the relationship he had been hangin with the guys while I was at home all day and came home stumbling drunk. He did not like what I had to say about that and ended up being physically abusive to me. I know I should have left him then, but I didn't. I made him promise me that he would limit his drinking and not get so drunk, he said he would and begged me for another chance...so I did. Well that didn't last. Every now and then he would mentally tear me apart by calling me names and making me feel really low about myself when he was drinking. And recently after a wedding party we were staying in a motel room ( we had both been drinking) and something made him just snap and he ended up shoving me to the floor and hit me. Fortunately, his family was staying in the same motel so I went to them in fear and to get away from him. After a couple of days apart he promised me that he would quit drinking in all. I accepted his promise, letting him know that him quitting alcohol would be the only way we could be together. I told him to do it for him and us, not because I told him to. Well, two weeks went by he went golfing, and came home and I could tell he had been drinking. He told me he had one beer, but I could tell it was a lot more than "one" beer. He still to this day won't tell me the truth. He told me he was sorry, and it wouldn't happen again. I want to believe him, but I don't know if I can. He does not think he has an alcohol problem, but everyone else does. What are my options to help him to quit and to make our relationship work?? I know I should probably leave him, but he only treats me bad when he is drinking. When he is sober he is so good to me. Is there any hope that he can quit drinking on his own....I need help!!

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  • I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now, we just bought a house together and I don't know what to do. When I first met him, we drank alot and went to a lot of parties. About a year into the relationship he had been hangin with the guys while I was at home all day and came home stumbling drunk. He did not like what I had to say about that and ended up being physically abusive to me. I know I should have left him then, but I didn't. I made him promise me that he would limit his drinking and not get so drunk, he said he would and begged me for another chance...so I did. Well that didn't last. Every now and then he would mentally tear me apart by calling me names and making me feel really low about myself when he was drinking. And recently after a wedding party we were staying in a motel room ( we had both been drinking) and something made him just snap and he ended up shoving me to the floor and hit me. Fortunately, his family was staying in the same motel so I went to them in fear and to get away from him. After a couple of days apart he promised me that he would quit drinking in all. I accepted his promise, letting him know that him quitting alcohol would be the only way we could be together. I told him to do it for him and us, not because I told him to. Well, two weeks went by he went golfing, and came home and I could tell he had been drinking. He told me he had one beer, but I could tell it was a lot more than "one" beer. He still to this day won't tell me the truth. He told me he was sorry, and it wouldn't happen again. I want to believe him, but I don't know if I can. He does not think he has an alcohol problem, but everyone else does. What are my options to help him to quit and to make our relationship work?? I know I should probably leave him, but he only treats me bad when he is drinking. When he is sober he is so good to me. Is there any hope that he can quit drinking on his own....I need help!! Okay this is coming from a woman (me) who was abused for 15 years by an alcoholic. The only thing that will make him quit drinking is him. You can not make him. He has to hit rock bottom. My ex lost me and his 3 kids, we left, he is still an alcoholic and has abused 3 of his girlfriends. I know you don't want to hear this honey but you must leave. If he loves you he will go get help. Do not take him back right away, it takes months and sometimes years. Please go and read my post I have a terrible condition now from my beatings, please get out......... if you need to talk, I can talk to you. please, you sound like I did, I made so many excuses for him. It took almost killing myself to get me out. Do not make the same mistakes..... good luck.
    horsecrazy1 8 Replies
    • October 23, 2006
    • 05:24 PM
    • 0
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  • Well I will tell you what to do...You have to leave...Get away, break all ties..I finally did about a month ago and I feel great, except when he calls me hundreds of times a day. But I have made a commitment to myself that I will not go back ever...I have been married to him for 15 years and that is enought for me....I am 37 years old with 2 boys, ages 9 and 12....We all decided that we had had enough.....He calls and sounds so sincere, but I have been there, done that...heard it all before and fell for it....It never worked, why would it work this time....It won't...He says that he will quit drinking and If I will just support him he could heal alot faster....That is BS...He is just trying to get his comfort zone back...Not a chance...I went from living in a $500,000 home with alot of land and horses, the whole nine yards, to a 2 bdrm duplex......and just my income....I wouldn't give up the security I have now for all the money in the world....Because it makes me feel good about myself.... I could talk all day, but the bottom line is get away and stay away....Its not worth all the energy you have to put into it, when there is a person out there that will love you for free.....I have not dated yet, of course, I have only been gone for a month....But, if I meet that person, don't think I won't jump on it....I have emotionally been alone for a long time and it sucks, but I am good and my boys are good.....
    Anonymous 42789 Replies Flag this Response
  • Hi there, One thing is for sure that you love your boyfriend very much and which is very important. I am not a cynical person, and hence not advice you to leave him, especially when you know you can help him. The question is how? First thing is that you have to be both strong and calm at the same time. Also, you need to be little pragmatic in your approach. You have to convince him that he has a problem and he needs an expert advice. And, this step is very important. Once you convince him, I can assure you that there are plenty of places which will help your boyfriend to come out clean. FYI: there is one great resource 99detox.com where you can get 24hours free live help. I just hope it all goes well for you. God Bless!
    susanmargareet 1 Replies
    • February 9, 2009
    • 00:59 PM
    • 0
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